[14 Sep 2005|03:41pm] i cant stand that fucking kid now ughhhhhhhhhhh ryan butler is the most fucked up friend ever... that is all 3 comments|post comment

[12 Sep 2005|12:44pm] im torn broken feeling nothing from no one friends have left and family is breaking down what am i to do well i have to live for myself but nothing feels worth it i never felt so alone im taking everything in every lil pain i got from anyone im just going through them all all the lies the back stabbin whos there whos left whats next i am pretty much nothing to myself now i see everything i ahve done was never worth it im down to my knees in tears im down to all my fears its all coming out im letting go of all that i know for me will you take it in and hold my head high above this damage i have found forsaken the beast and live to the rivers that flow deep i am drwoning i am living in pain i am just me and thats all i can say 1 comment|post comment

[29 Jul 2005|01:57am] yea well i ahve a new journal im not ganan update in it till its done n lara does suck at layouts now:) ummm lets see lifes been getting better i learned how to deal with drama and problems under this roof of mine but tis still hard witht the things i have to do here i basiclly take care of alot of shit here n its alot of pressure on me but i still find a way through it.. job wow i been applying everywhere i mean all over schools starting im hopin to get alot of calls hopefully..my sister told me that she was getting the warped tickets for me that she called him n she told she was picking them up when she gets her pay check i hope this happens to im always hopeing ehhh oh well its life,... i havent heard from alice for like 5days i wrote her n called her cell alot i hope she didnt forget about me i sorta feel like shes just ganna try n get over me i hope not i love this girl n for what happen scared the shit outta me and now im doing anything to get her back:/ i love you... so much reminds me of you i ate all the ones in the chex mix bag that you dont like but you werent here to eat the ones for you i got sad im such a emo kid.... Maybe, it's not over. I'm not scared to know. Oh maybe, I'm not the first in your agenda, but all this waiting kills. You're not taking the life of your friend, but your always shaking and making me crazy. Oh! You won't, you won't figure it out. So we can find a reason here to look the other way. Oh, im gonna say, it is always on my mind. Can't find a reason though, to look the other way. Oh maybe, You weren't ever really here, but you made it crystal, crystal clear. Oh maybe, you should tell me what you think of me, 'cause all this guessing kills. You're not starting this over again, 'cause i can't take it, now we're both in trouble. Oh! You won't, you won't figure it out. So we can find a reason here to look the other way. Oh, im gonna say, it is always on my mind. Can't find a reason though, to look the other way, to look the other way. When it all goes down, watch yourselves, when you hit the ground, because you're almost falling over now. Oh! You won't, you won't figure it out. So we can find a reason here to look the other way. Oh, im gonna say, it is always on my mind. Can't find a reason though, to look the other way. Maybe, It's not over. Im not scared to know. Oh maybe, You weren't ever really here, To make it crystal, crystal clear. 3 comments|post comment

[24 Jul 2005|06:32pm] so if ur really my friend and care and all add me new name revived_love 2 comments|post comment

[17 Jul 2005|09:44pm] so this might be a normal update honesty im so lost and confused...ahhhh alice wants me to be there for her and i will not matter what but it hurts so much cause were not together like does hse expect me not to sayi anything about it or not to try to get her back eachday cause if so do you know me??? what the hell do i do i mean i love this girl so much like amazingly love her but she doesnt want me back and she wants time how do i kno shes going to come back huh like what if i do sit here and wait for her like i am doing what happens when she doesnt what do i do then as of right now im so lost and jus wish it could be normal like why cant we be together and talk on the phone all night or wake up to one of us calling eachother...this i snever what i expected to0 happen with us and i want her back yea the past month ive been a dick but i mean ahhhhhhhhh i dunno anything anymore is there even a point for me breathing and hoping for us anymore i cant even talk to her cause it hurts knowing shes not my g/f its jus not the same and shes ganna get annoyed with me being like this and most likely end up jus giving up for good why the fuck does it gotta be like this alice please please babe just come back to me i miss talking on the phone till you fll asleep i miss us being obssesed over eachother ahhh i cant keep living like this 6 comments|post comment

[16 Jul 2005|12:20am] [ mood | depressed ] lost without you.... what do i do anyone??? someone help me on what to do..... 3 comments|post comment

[14 Jul 2005|06:17pm] wow so having my dad yell at me like he did today telling me my mom n my sister that we better get the fuck outta here coz hes selling the houes and getting a devorce what a fucking day its like everythings getting better with alice and shit and more shit starts right up i hate this thing called life oo well w.e i guess i can only ignore it and get a job n leave gotta grow up and take care of my self i miss you angeleyes ugh i cant wait till you get back cause when im with you all troubles go away i love you ao much alice<3 1 comment|post comment

[14 Jul 2005|03:06pm] What would you say if I asked you not to go To forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me Would you take my hand and never let me go Promise me you'll never let me go And now the stars aren't out tonight, But neither are we to look up at them Why does hello feel like goodbye? These memories can't replace, These wishes I wished and dreams I chased Take this broken heart and make it right I feel like I lost everything when you're gone Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me I thought you should know, You're not making this easy I never thought I'd be the one to say Please don't, well please don't leave me I feel like I lost everything when you're gone Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me I thought you should know, You're not making this easy You're not making this easy (easy, easy, easy...) Take my hand and never let me go, Take my hand and never let me go, Promise me... You'll never let go You'll never let go You'll never let go You'll never let go Make this last forever I feel like I lost everything when you're gone Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me I thought you should know, you're not making this easy You're not making this easy You're not making this easy You're not making this easy You're not making this easy I'll fall asleep tonight, 'cause that brings me closer to you post comment

[14 Jul 2005|12:30pm] todays the day the sun and gray lighting skies collide its something you would never expect only something you would kno never happen as the day takes on the dark its dieing in the process and for all to see through this will know what its like and how it feels but its only something two people kno right now and theres no standing where they are so as the gray skie fills in hes left with nothing left to do he is bound to wait but its something inside that wont truely let the waiting start so ill jus take these two days that it collides and take my path the next day" this lighting still burns this heart" i love you and miss you please just come back.... post comment

[13 Jul 2005|03:08pm] yea well i fucked up big time this time i cant even be there for her and it kills to know what is going on well i hope for the best from this day for her even if im not with her i know shell find someone that can treat her better than i can. yea well this is it the ending of a dieing tragedy that hasnt folded yet now the waking of morning is to hard to take the light from the outside will blind my faith and for all this i just wish i could have been what she needed but ill never get it right and shell never let me again so ill follow this pain till the night hopein its my last way out and this bottle will help me fall and these tears will take me on my way wow i never thought this day would come i always thought it would be us always and forever together you know salice yea well i guess i was wrong i guess the love was a lie jus to hold on i dunno i dont even want to know whats ganna happen nxt coz i know its going to be nothing good but death her last words i hope this eats away at you all night. i hope you toss and turn in your bed, trying to get her image out of your mind. i hope this makes you sick, makes you throw up, makes you feel anywhere near the way you made me feel tonight. sweet dreams 1 comment|post comment

[12 Jul 2005|01:48am] Let's get fucked up and die.. I'm speaking figuratively, of course.. Like the last time I committed suicide.. social suicide.. Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside, But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs, I've learned to love the lie. its amazing how much pain i have in my heart 2 comments|post comment

[10 Jul 2005|01:22am] Let's get fucked up and die.. I'm speaking figuratively, of course.. Like the last time I committed suicide.. social suicide.. Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside, But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs, I've learned to love the lie. I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent. I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong, And I need to get strong, and if memory serves, I'm addicted to words and they're useless. (In this department) Let's get fucked up and die.. I'm riding hard on the last legs of every lie, And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode, I'm about to explode. I'm a mess, I'm a wreck. I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings, Because I am so visceral, yet deeply inept. I want to thank you for being a part of my the forget-me-nots and marigolds.. And all the things that don't get old.. Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know. It's the only way I have learned to express myself around other peoples' descriptions of life.. I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless... (In this department) Let's get fucked up and die. For the last time I'm feeling we'll try not to smile As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights That’s no shocking and surprise. I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end But I choose to abuse for the time being, maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die. Sister soldier You’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame If I could ever repay you, I would, but I'm hard up for cash And my memory lacks initiative. God damn the liquor stores' closed, were so close to scoring it hurts, it destroys til it kills.. I am tired and hungry and totally useless. (In this department) post comment

[08 Jul 2005|04:49pm] all my feelings n thoughts about everything so far is going down so lets just get fucked up and die my fav line a song that can show who i am yea and tell you the bad things that gos in my life i need you i need you now more then ever i guess saying this doesnt realy matter cause youll never hear me youll never listen to me here i am writein these letters to you missing you again you always go away you always leave me with a soft impression of your voice in my head a kiss so soft thats says ill miss you well thats what i read off your lips as i am nothing each night im nothing each night since youve left i got this empty hole in my chest and im losing this touch of something something so strong that it breaks through each day to let me kno who i have and how i feel is how i see this moveing picture watch it as it comes and go's you would like to try and grasp it but you cant cause its not where the heart is post comment

[01 Jul 2005|05:03pm] this joke of a life a back breaking moment not understanding the picture i see through theses eyes so ill just sit n watch it fade away till its gone til i have her back in my arms im slipping away slowly into the night as my hand places on my knees i am just a wreck with out you so weak with out you tonight im fadein in and out its amazing to see the diff colors that go by the hour jus for a moment i feel as happy as i can be just knowing what i have ahahah just this joke of a life 2 comments|post comment

[29 Jun 2005|12:01pm] nothing to do anymore i might buy a buisness dunno yet ummm lifes going ok i have to write a letter to alice coz i dont think she got the first one i wrote her hmmm yea well im lost in life n g2g work 5 comments|post comment

[26 Jun 2005|12:20pm] you know what i gotta say i wanna die fuck life 2 comments|post comment

[23 Jun 2005|11:18am] Im missing your voice at night time This sepa-separation seem-seems a sad crim but I'll fall asleep tonight, 'cause that brings me closer to you and its just Another lonely night without you by my side take all that I am Im wishing you goodnight And I can't sleep without you And I can't breathe anymore I'm sitting under falling stars. Do you miss me where you are? I'm making plans to be with you. But have they come unglued? What am I to do without you? post comment

[18 Jun 2005|01:44pm] yup i had the best couple of weeks in my life but it all has to end right it all always gos back to the shitty side.. 5 comments|post comment

[13 Jun 2005|12:52am] so let me fall asleep with you and let us bring eachother in this never ending bliss ill let you hold me down ill be what i can at the time and everything i dream to be i will one day ill set you free of these troubles you have with me all i want is to show you all i need is you and every tear that falls from this empty body of mine is not caues of you its caues of me not doing what i should not being what i can for you ill hunt myself with this ill tourment myself with eyes so deep the eye i stair back at each morning i look at my reflecting yea im never good enough for myself ill hold you here with me tonight ill hold you so tight ill dream of that better day ill never let you getta away i love you,I LOVE YOU YES I DO please never let me fall out of this ill hold each moment in my heart that our eyes meet ill hold on to you ill hold on to you post comment

[31 May 2005|01:54am] Ain't it just like me to forget to say, "You look nothing short of amazing." Saturday...Saturday Guess who adores you? Seems like we never have enough time. (seems like we never have enough time.) But remember we have all the time, we have all the time in the world. I finally seemed to catch my breath around you whenever you leave I can't seem to breathe til i see you again I finally seemed to catch my breath around you whenever you leave I can't seem to breathe til i see you again (goodnite) think of nothing to do and we'll do it take off your shoes and rest your head take it into my pillow to capture your scent so i can breathe once you've left Ain't it just like me to forget to say, "You look nothing short of amazing." Saturday...Saturday Guess who adores you? Seems like we never have enough time. (seems like we never have enough time.) But remember we have all the time, we have all the time in the world. I finally seemed to catch my breath around you whenever you leave I can't seem to breathe til i see you again I finally seemed to catch my breath around you whenever you leave I can't seem to breathe til i see you again (see you again) see you again, see you again ahhahaha i wish i wrote this.. Well I'm a wreck. I really can't explain it but I, I hear the music when I look at you. 5 comments|post comment

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